The 2015 Mets Opening Day roster…

Just Mets

M BaronWith the Mets making their final roster cuts of the spring on Saturday morning, their 25-man roster became completely clear.

The Mets will purchase the contract of RHP Buddy Carlyle. To make room for Carlyle on the 40-man roster, the Mets will place LHP Josh Edgin and RHP Zack Wheeler on the 60-day disabled list.

To make room for Carlyle on the active roster, the Mets optioned Eric Campbell to Triple-A Las Vegas.

Opening Day 2015As has been widely reported and discussed, the Mets will take eight relief pitchers to Washington – three left-handers and five right-handers as follows:

RHP: Rafael Montero, Carlos Torres, Buddy Carlyle, Jeurys Familia, Jenrry Mejia
LHP: Alex Torres, Jerry Blevins, Sean Gilmartin

RHP’s Vic Black and Bobby Parnell have been placed on the 15-day disabled list, retroactive to March 27. They are eligible to return on April 12.

Because the Mets will carry eight relievers, they will play…

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Grandmother poisons her entire family with chocolate that went out of date 25 years ago

Trapped on a rock floating in space

Three generations of the same family were poisoned when a grandmother accidentally used a sachet of chocolate that was 25 years out of date. Richard Hartley-Parkinson for

So let me get this straight – she spent decades playing the part of the friendly, loving, innocuous mother; years gaining the trust and admiration of her grandchildren; then – after meticulous research and planning – bought some chocolate sachets and waited twenty-five years to use them to poison her entire family? What sort of fiendish criminal mastermind are we dealing with here? Most people want to kill their family as soon as possible; they certainly don’t wait for the grandkids to grow up so they can get them too. Well, you know what they say – revenge is a dish best served cold.

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Mistaken for a Lawyer … or a Factory Worker

Trapped on a rock floating in space

So far, I’m really enjoying teaching primary school. It’s endlessly entertaining. Kids say the darndest things. I had a class of year twos that really liked my black Armani tie that looks like it has small yellow coffee beans on it. Some of them asked why I wore a suit. Then one young girl said: “You look like you work in a factory.” I laughed and asked why on Earth she thought that. She replied “That’s where they make money.” As with anything small children say, it may well be imbued with hidden meanings and strategies for better living. I suppose there’s two ways of looking at her statement. Either factories actually make money, or people who work there make money – or perhaps the factory workers make money and in turn take the money home as a reward for having made it in the first place. If only life…

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No. 1009

Madstoffa's crunchy house!

The Hopkinsonsonsonsonson by CpSingleton © 2015

Within the dark clouds of a putrid,

Slaughterhouse stench,

Of Colne’s Asda car-park and

The ant-like crooked lines of

Cars and last minute shoppers,

A light of supreme smilieosity,

Similar to the warmth of a

Summer dawn sun,

Shone in mine eye!

What was it? You may ask,

Curiosity peeking the tone

Of your inquisitive voice.

Was it the floodlit joy

That only spiritual awakenings

May stir in the lonely traveller?

Was it the finger of Lady Luck

Pointing upon my

Reverse capped head,

Informing me that I had won

The lottery of life and was

Now set to sail the seas of fortune

With a full sail?

No, it be

The Hopkinsonsonsonsonson!

And her partner in giggles.

If you’ve never chanced

Upon the Hopkinsonsonsonsonson,

With cup brimming with life,

Then imagine the world’s

Bubbles of fun

Collecting in one being

That bursts smiles…

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Baby badgers are nursed back to life on a diet of custard creams

Trapped on a rock floating in space

Speaking as a former biologist, I have some concerns regarding this custard cream diet that has been thrust upon them. I wouldn’t want such young badgers to become too accustomed to this particular biscuit because, as you may well know, in the wild badgers forage for a wide variety of biscuits – not just custard creams. In fact, in the southern UK, studies show a preference for digestive biscuits; as you move north into Scotland, badgers check under rocks and logs for shortbread. In conclusion, baby badgers should be fed a variety of biscuity treats – some of them hidden, necessitating digging and scrounging – so that they will be better prepared for the harsh realities of the British landscape.

bdger bicuits

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